Superheroes Stahp

It’s gotten to the point where the movie Memento is more linear than the X-Men mega-saga. 

I got X-Men 1-3.. got lost a little bi with the Wolverine tangent, and now these new ones coming in are like clowns popping out of a phone booth. 

Spiderman, too, is on it’s second generation, and with a refreshed cast, all in less than eight years.

Hulk: two generations (not including the Avenger’s version) in nine years. 

Superman: two generations (not to mention a fucking sitcom) in eight years. 

I heard there is something about the fight for copyright between DC Comics and Universal studios – or some corporate inside-baseball for any matter – but that leaves us on the viewing end either perplexed, or indifferent and wanting moar. 

I’m perplexed. 

Why is the least creative story-arch getting it’s dick sucked left and right? It’s like we’re in a creative apocalypse, and are desperately and feverishly eating dog food for substance. 

Remember the late 90’s? Sure, the music was the worst in human history (and this includes Aboriginal throat-singing), but our directors were actually hiring screenwriters, adopting original screenplays, and actually making those movies well. 

Hell, even the 80’s figured out action movies. Oops, I should clarify: I’m really only going on about action movies. 

True Lies, Mad Max, Blade Runner, Alien, fucking anything Bruce Willis did from 1980-2002. 

Waterworld was always the boy worth kicking in the boxoffice flops, but even that movie was made pristinely better than Thor. 

Superhero movies are the big bully in the room swallowing-up any room for clever and creative design and change in the action-movie world. 

Just look at all the action movies coming out: they are either mother-fucking-over-the-top post apocalyptic worlds where 1-2 high-paid actors are the only one’s in the movie, or another terrorists-attacking-the-black-president. 

Side note: try and think of a movie besides Independence Day where the United States president isn’t black. And can we quit casting Morgan Freeman? He’s only decent, and everyone seems to forget he’s fucking his niece.

There is just nothing of substance in the story-telling of a superhero doing what superheroes will inevitably do: be heroes. And not that the stories are predictable – though most are painfully so – but that the template for these movies is never deviated from. 

Thank god for Quentin Tarantino and Martin Scorsese. But I shouldn’t be thankful that the giant names in directing are still doing an outstanding job: I’d like to see the bars set by those at the top be applied to the soda-pop and candy-bar blockbusters. 

I think the executives of factory-pumping movie studios don’t want to be bothered with change on any level. Change that doesn’t have 20+ years of data showing positive results (i.e. money). 

Television is becoming the saving grace, however, because as the budget for special effects diminishes (and subsidizes the cost of extras by replacing them with CGI characters), more money can be spent on developing an elaborate screenplay, and hiring actors who do what their profession requires for them. Sorry guy who played Thor, but maybe you should do porn that doesn’t require you to speak. 

The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad are two examples that justify me not looking for a third… but wait.. Game of Thrones is an elite example of both of those. 

Fuck the theaters. 

 

 

Filed under: This and That

This strange thing makes me sad

Two years ago I made a fake facebook account for a prank that was never flushed out properly. I haven’t looked at that account until recently. 

Now, my fake human has friends, and likes; I don’t know how other than Facebook analytics automatically linking my fake human to certain facets of being human. 

He went to Caramel Valley High School, graduated in ’87. He likes Ellen. He likes Full Metal Jacket. 

And this estranged satellite in social media makes me really depressed, because what if he was real? A part of me wants to love the owner of this fictitious profile, but that person does not exist. 

It’s like a death that hasn’t finalized, or is happening at a grueling pace. 

Filed under: This and That

Untitled

I think the true apocalyptic event that swept and swept-up humanity happened in the 1940’s. We were exterminating each other with vigorous necessity and godlike efficiency. The Germans used gas, we Americans used H-bombs, and Russia used starvation. Small factions in Africa massacred individually what the Axis and the Allies did collectively. Everywhere, the price on life diminished to the basement where it stays stagnant today.

Since WWII, the price on life has stabilized and is closely monitored. There are no more random revolutions; we’ve left not enough oxygen in the room for one to exist. 

Since the end of WWII, it is within the greatest interests of those in power to maintain whatever ‘this,’ is. For the first time in human history, the Universe can be leased to a few at the cost of everyone else. 

The middle class is the newest enemy. The greatest affront to those with any influence is the possibility that anyone anywhere else on the socio-economic spectrum could possibly have influence, too. That’s why in the United States, breaking the two-party system is next to political suicide.

So I’m not afraid of a giant meteor leveling this dystopian globe bent on maximizing profits and maintaining various religions to shame the masses into an existential rut. 

If I were to draw up what a post-apocalyptic world might look like, I need only to read the world news. We’ve achieved hell, in that the participants of this generation have no say, no power. 

Unmanned aerial fleets rule the skies and are controlled with by men with gaming consoles. 

Creationism is seen as a fact, and evolution is as a theory.

No one has been to the moon since before the internet.

The Kardashian’s legally represented OJ Simpson.

Prior to US involvement in Iraq, Dick Chaney was the VP of Halliburton. 

There were no WOMD in Iraq, there are in North Korea, and no one is invading them. 

The majority of the heroin imported tot he US comes from Afghanistan.

On 9/10, Donald Rummsfield announced that trillions of dollars were missing from the Pentagon’s book keeping. The next day, the offices of the accounting department of the Pentagon was destroyed by a plane; there were no survivors. 

Filed under: This and That

We live in a strange time like other strange times

“We live in a strange time,” has that always been a broken record? I’m only 23, and I’ve heard it for 23 years. 

Is this life strange? A man with the last name of Weiner gets buested for showing his, you know, to young women; the most celebrated pop star goes from black to white; the former CEO of the largest contracting company becomes the Vice President as we invade two countries; a women, the daughter of OJ Simpson’s lawyer, becomes instantly famous after filming a porno with a black rapper; a religion started by a 14-year old claming to read the new word of God on golden tablets inside of a hat has a presidential candidate in 2012; bath salts make you eat people’s faces; hundreds of years after Darwin’s discoveries, evolution is still banned in most schools in America. 

That is all strange. 

But as strange as Beethoven writing all of his Sonata’s for underage girls? As strange as the FBI coercing MLK to commit suicide? As strange as fucking slavery in the states while, “In God we trust,” is written on our currency? As strange as gladiators in ancient Rome? Do the times feel as apocolyptic as during the black plague, where nearly 1/3 of the population died, and the rich drank molten gold and rubies as a cure for said plague? 

Fuckery exists across the timeline of human history.

I didn’t bother fixing the spelling, go fuck yourself  

Filed under: This and That

It only takes two hours

It only takes two hours for boredum to make me all dizzy, woozy. 

An uncertain gyro runs amuck inside my rig cage, knocking organs and rattling bones. There are dishes piled like the summer books I’ve avoided. There are the two dogs who are too hot to tug or chase; I’m not giving them an excuse, it’s just ninety-five degrees out. 

And sure, the internet is full of ripe goodies rich in time sucking nutrients that are never filling at all, but can be eaten like little grapes into infinitum. I feel like a worm in a library when I meld into the screen and tap into the ninnerspace. I’ll pass.

My room, too, is a mess. It’s full of the things I have and haven’t started or completed, given any thought to or about which simply changed my mind. I’ll get to my room first, the litany of projects.. another day.

Filed under: This and That

Something Unfair

I hate being told there is a time and a place to express myself. Institutions trumping singular attempts for expressing existence.. bah. 

I hate that I can’t confront anyone with questions that contradict the core of their beliefs, and as a result, I am possibly the rudest person in the Universe for having such questions.

Fair discussion is stopped short to appease to the socially weakest participants of language: those who take offense. 

It’s not fair. 

Why does religion get a tax emeption as well as card blanche for taking offense towards anything which postures against their beliefs? (He asks the vapor-space of his blog-viewers). 

Fuck it. No one reads this blog. I fucking hate any religion, especially the “safe” ones like Evangelical denomonations: they have too much freedom to be ignorant, and they promote boring-ass versions of living. 

Fuck bawls ass cunt dick Sarah Palin

Let’s (me) bring this blog back to it’s roots: profanity. 

Fuck nigger’s cunts with cacti. 

Fuck spick’s with lawn equipment.

Fuck white people with the US Constitution.

Fuck asians with normal shit.

Fuck women with men; vice versa.

Fuck Jesus with his mom’s dildo.

Fuck Stalin with Trotsky’s dildo.

Liquidate the Kardashian estate and make them drink it. 

Fuck feminists with the most masogonistic dong, evar.

Fuck douchebag dudes with the same cacti which was applied to nigger’s cunts. 

Fuck England. 

Fuck England. 

Fuck England. 

Amen to the DMV and to scheduling appointments ahead of time. 

Fuck white people, again. 

Fuck Inuits for taking offense to “eskinmo.” IT WAS A NAME THAT CAME WITH A LOT OF RESPECT YOU DOUCHEBAGS.

Fuck midgets, small people, dwarves, or anyone smaller than four feet who takes offense to any generalization for someone under four feet. Fuck you, you little pieces of shit. 

Fuck cats.

Amen to dogs.

Fuck vegans and vegatarians with the fattiest rib eye available. Make them eat it afterwords. 

Fuck the US constitution. 

Fuck the US for fucking the Native Americans. 

Fuck the Native Americans for clinging so hard to horse shit. You’ve been sufficiently fucked by the US government, but a quickie in the a-hole will suffice. 

Butt fuck religion harder than a child who deserves it. 

Butt fuck religion for being responsible for more death/hardship than any branch of idea known to man. 

Fuck god for killing the residents of Soddom and Gommorah. Fuck God for the flood, the plague, making shitty humans, not acknowledging dinosaurs, destroying the tower of Babel, WW1, WW2, Hitler, Stalin, the rape of Nanking, Bob Segar, the Tea Party, for allowing America to kill millions under the guise of “godly;” fuck gos for so much unexplicable pain that some of us have to cling to imaginary figures just to fall asleep. 

If god were “real” (whatever that means) he’d be the first person I’d want to beat to a bloody pulp for being such a cunt/tawt/fag/douche/piece of shit. 

Filed under: This and That

I take offense to offense

I’m sick of sensitivity. Nothing puts a damper on my happiness more than having to talk someone down from their Clydesdale, and explain that sticks and stones may break their bones, but words are just the fucking noise your throat makes when your esophagus scrapes against itself. 

Sometimes a cunt is a cunt and a douche is a douche. The whole universe doesn’t get a free ride because the pompous morality of one prick supersedes anyone else’s. It’s like manners: no two people have the same set of manners. Fuck manners. I don’t expect you to do anything at my dinner table except engage in pleasant conversation (which includes verbal slander, libel, and trash talk for the sake of a good time). Pl0x no circlejerking.

And I’d like to be racist from time to time. It’s fun! Every race is included in the fun, and no race is excluded, for that would be racism. 

But too often people focus on one caveat of humor: misogamy. I can’t stand it. What’s the word for hating men? Because I do that too, and no one gives two shits about it. Very confusing. Cunts are cunts and douches are douches. 

I reject the idea that there is a ‘time and a place,’ because, like manners, I have a totally different concept of a time and a place for saying the word nigger, for example.

And taking offense to something is just another way to give yourself invisible gold. It’s like printing your own respect and cashing in the big bucks of ‘aren’t I a fucking Dali Lama?’

You know what? The Dali Lama never got his dick sucked. None of the Lali Damas have. They haven’t figured out jack shit about happiness. Fuck enlightenment, I’d much rather be happy. 

An uneven tug-and-pull occurs when I stick to my guns and enrage those who take offense to anything I say. We get no where, and I am the only one who gets labeled. Usually as a child, or a pig. Nasty name calling… hello, is this kettle? Yeah, you’re black too. 

Communication would be incredibly cumbersome if everyone was policed so specifically, and arbitrarily. It’s not fair to try to shut someone up. It doesn’t do anything except promote a quieter more boring world. 

I was at my college, and a bunch of black dudes were trying to come up with a white joke. I overheard it and said I’d love to join in, seeing as they hadn’t come up with one. “White people only dominate at sports black people haven’t heard about, like Ultimate Frisbee.” We all laughed (it wasn’t that funny, but the gesture was clear). Then they told me their favorite black jokes, which they had made up on the spot, and I can’t remember a more memorable exchange of humor.

I like that kind of a world. 

If you don’t like what someone is saying, ignore them. There’s a reason I don’t watch Fox, don’t listen to conservative talk radio, or go to my Uncle’s house. 

Filed under: This and That

A Brewing Story Part One

I live in a cute little city called Vista. North of San Diego, inland of Oceanside and right smack in the middle of my heart. I love my city. 

But we have too many shitty art galleries, with shelves saturated with great, steaming piles of shit. When you walk inside, the pretension wreaks of butt brownies. 

“Ohhhh, check out this blown glass… for $8,000,000!!”

Our downtown is the skid row of shitty, square-ridden art galleries. Can you paint a fucking landscape? MOVE TO VSITA. Can you pretend you Georgia O’Queefe and paint vagina-esque flowers? COME TO VISTA.

At a time when I was on fire about 3D animation, I walked into this one in particular, I believe the name was “Shit Shit Shitty Shit,” or something like that. Immediately this cunt of a human asks me what I am doing. 

I’M FUCKING HIGH AND WANT TO STARE AT COOL SHIT, DO YOU HAVE ANY COOL SHIT THAT ISN’T A TEXTURED SHEET OF ALUMINUM. NO? THAT’S COOL. 

“What kind of art are you into?” She asks with her split tongue wriggling in her maw. I was surprised shit didn’t spill out between her jagged teeth. 

“I’m into 3D animation, rendering.” 

“Well that’s not really art..” Sayeth cunt-women. 

NEITHER IS ANY OF THIS SHIT. I wanted to say, but I’m nice to strangers. 

–

Cut to: today. I heard about this Brewing Company, Mother Earth, that just opened up. Hef’s, IPA’s, Pale Ales and (from what I hear and cannot confirm), no piss beer. 

They don’t serve food, but they have all the menus of all the places downtown (we ahve some killer food stuffs downtown , and you can order by phone, and each establishment will DELIVER THE FOOD TO THE BREWERY. Fuck yeah!

Sooo, I bought a burger from Five Guys and drove over to get a little plastered in the afternoon. It was 11:49, they open at 12:00. Darn. And I had to shit, like EMERGENCY SHIT, so I made a plan to go later this evening or tomorrow.

But god, I am so happy. I hope they used all the shitty, over-priced “art” to forge the brick and mortar for this beautiful beer-heaven.

So no, I didn’t take any pictures because my shit was prairie dogging and I really wanted to eat my burger before it got all mushy. Texture, texture, texture.

Part two will be a follow-up, and a complete review. But for now, I am so thankful that “Shit Shit Shitty Shit” is no longer marring my beautiful city. 

But there are still so many shit galleries to replace with Breweries.. 

Filed under: This and That

Probably my favorite person

and I don’t even know his name. 

We went to the same high school, slept through the same graduation speeches, and even took weight lifting P.E. together. 

How can I begin to describe him? No one mentioned he had aspergers, or any learning disability, but he was put into Home Ec with the downies, the ‘tards and the freaks. He was none of those. 

He dressed like he was from the 90′s; like a REALLY cool kid from the 90′s. The shades.. the baggy jean-shorts, flannel shirts tied around his waist (when did that end?), and fingerless gloves. And he ran, everywhere. 

He was never anything but entirely outgoing and light-hearted. At lunch, you’d see him run from one end of the campus to the other, playfully and dutifully. He seemed to be delivering messages between two groups… I never knew where he was sprinting to.. and why. 

And I see him in my little town. He still has the 21 Jump Street attire, riding a green neon skateboard with his head in the position for maximum aerodynamics.

How harmless is this kid? 

And I’m jealous. 

I imagine he works, because I remember him taking a lot of ownership in our school’s “Friday Pancake,” thing, and those kids made a lot of money for field trips, equipment. I bet he loves wherever he is and whatever he is doing, because that is how I remember him, and to this day I try to bend my ear towards him to see if anything has changed. 

Nope. 

Filed under: This and That

I’m convinced life is scripted

So much sex abuse scandals.. so little time. 

Sandusky and the Catholic Church hog number one and two in google new’s top stories. Crweepy shtuff.

The case of Sandusky is grueling, graphic, but his case can only go one way. I’m not concerned with his case so much. Of course, the Catholic Church is more bothersome to me. 

I found this cute little website: http://www.themediareport.com/ while reading the comment section of the news article. I read the comments because I was looking for just this: someone dogmatically supporting the Catholic Church’s right to rape kids. 

The theme of the website is “the media makes is seem much worse,” but the more you click through the pages.. the more it looks like the largest gallery of Catholic-flavored sex abuse cases. 

My favorite one, titled “The Catholic Sex Abuse in Ireland that isn’t,” goes into detail about the Irish and US media make it seem like children are being buggered left and right in the green hills, when “only six accusations alleged abuse within the past dozen years, since 2000.”

Are you emphasizing six as a small number? That’s a huge number. And I like the phrasing, “within the past dozen years, since 2000,” makes it seem like a long time, huh? 

What if there were that many alleged cases in the state of Colorado (Ireland’s population is 1 million short of CO’s) over the past dozen years, since 2000? The media would go nuts, and they should.

So it’s the media’s fault, right? They want big numbers, and sensational stories, just like the website themediareport.com.

Now, I am a moral degenerate, I say the words they don’t say on the tv-box, and I make jokes about anally enjoying my lord, but I’ve never defended an organization who is so riddled with these types of cases. 

I used to be a hardcore, Bible-thumping Evangelical Christian (quite a mouthful), and there were cases of sexual… things, and only one case where a father raped one of his sons. There was just nothing, and I was there and deeply connected to the administration for six, seven years (my dad was an elder, my mom played worship, and I was a group leader for kids). 

Not to mention that the church I attended, North Coast Church, is one of the largest EVC churches in the world. 

So yes, I think the Catholic Church has the highest numbers of sex abuse scandals, cover-ups, and generally fuckery, and any attempt to defend their right to do so is truly disturbing.

Filed under: This and That